Stop Being Mean to Yourself

3 Gentle Reminders You May Need To Hear

Earlier last week I shared this Note.

I had just finished a therapy session, running around the house taking care of two sick toddlers, while thinking about all the deadlines I have in place.
I felt defeated and discouraged, yet I continued being mean to myself.

For a little while I gave in to the voices in my head.
I believed that I was alone, that nobody cared, and that it’s all my fault.
but then I remembered my therapist’s words:

“You may have learned these behaviors, but the beautiful thing about learning things is that you can unlearn them too.”

There have been many times in my healing journey, where I treated myself harshly.

Instead of gentleness, I gave myself tough love.
Instead of forming boundaries to rest,
I ignored my needs and let burnout
lead me to shut down.
Instead of considering my energy,
I forced myself to perform.

And instead of giving myself grace,
I allowed guilt and judgment to have the final say.

My therapist and I have been talking a lot about grief, anger, shame, and our response when the people that we love, hurt us.

She shares how it’s not that we are mean, but that beneath our anger lies a longing for safety and comfort, rather than inherent malice.

As a child I really struggled with expressing my emotions. Thirty two years later I am on the path of self-discovery, learning to calm my nervous system, unlearning unhealthy behavior patterns that I picked up from others, all while mothering my two-year old twins.

Something I keep coming back to is being gentle with myself. Gentleness is something I naturally don’t pick up often but a muscle I am learning to flex.

During moments of self criticism and tough days,
Here are three gentle reminders I needed to hear, that you may need as well.

Stop Being Mean To Yourself, You Are Still Healing.

Self Compassion is paramount in times of overwhelm.

When things get overwhelming, the easiest thing to do is bully ourselves.

It took a long time for me to embrace healing because all I could do was blame myself for all the things I did wrong. When we choose healing, that means we are no longer functioning from spaces of blame. Yes take responsibility for your mistakes, but move forward with grace. Healing is the doorway to evolving.