A Gentle Pause

A Mindful Approach to Entering a New Year

Dec 31, 2023

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Like clockwork my body woke me up at 3:30 in the morning urging me to use the restroom. I waddled myself out of the bed and walked over to the restroom.

Something felt off.

Ignoring the feeling, I returned to bed, but the urge to use the restroom persisted. After numerous trips back and forth, I realized the truth – my water had broken.

I wasn't prepared.
I wasn’t ready.

The house was in disarray, my hospital bag only partially packed, and I was thirty-three weeks pregnant with twin boys.

"You need a C-section; we can't guarantee the second baby's safety if you try to deliver." I wept.

Then came another blow – "Put on this mask; you have Covid." My tears flowed even more as the hours dragged on, filled with fear for my own survival.

The hours felt like years and I feared if I would make it out alive.

"They're here," my doctor exclaimed, her smile carrying a mix of relief and joy.
"You did amazing," she assured me as the medical team whisked away the boys who had spent 33 weeks and 3 days in my womb, never granting me the chance to hold them.

This year was just as unexpected as my birth story was. It was filled with moments where I’d go back and forth trying to make the best decisions for myself. There were many times where I was faced with difficult scenarios, and very little choices. And even times where I was forced to wait even when all I wanted to do was get to my final destination.

This past year unfolded much like my unexpected birth story, marked by countless moments of agonizing decision-making, limited choices, and excruciating waits.
As the year draws to a close, I find myself in a state of uncertainty,
unsure of what lies ahead.

But even in this season of unknown, I am reminded to simply let today be today.

Whether I'm armed with a flawless plan for execution or struggling to gather the strength to move forward, I choose to let today be today. Whether the vision board adorns my wall or I'm grappling with the uncertainty of the future, I choose to let today be today.

Many of us already feel “behind”, knowing that our vision boards won't be ready by January 1. Some may even feel like failures because they aimed to kick-start a detox this month but haven't managed to clean out their pantry.

It's okay to feel unprepared for the new year without a concrete plan in hand.

Just this week I was reminded that sometimes the energy we force ourselves to release is the same energy we need to receive. Sometimes, a few gentle stretches are more nurturing than an intense workout. Sometimes, we need to replenish and ease into beginning again.

This doesn't diminish what awaits you and it surely doesn't make you a failure.

Free yourself from the expectation of perfection, of control, of needing the best plan.
And give yourself the grace and love that you need right now.

Rest as needed.
Step away from environments that trigger your stress.
Don't force yourself into situations if you're truly not ready.

It's alright not to have all the answers right now.

Take your time.
Ease into your existence this year and let today be today.

While I couldn't hold my children after birth or have the chest-to-chest experience I'd always envisioned, today I embrace them more. I shower them with love. And even though two years later I am still on the mend from my birth story, today I embrace today with more ease, more grace, and more compassion than I did yesterday.

3 Journal Prompts to Mindfully Approach the New Year:
Feel free to share some of your thoughts in the comments.

1. What are 3 key lessons you learned this year?

2. Consider what this year has looked like for you, what parts of you need to be nurtured? What parts of you still need to heal?

3. Share 5 things you need more of this upcoming year.